‘Tis the Season to Be Naughty
Cathy Broadbent
“The She Spot!”
Cathy Broadbent
“The She Spot!”
Well, the cold is upon us, even those last die hard shorts wearers have had no choice but to finally succumb to the cold, hard facts. Speaking of cold and hard, this is also the time of year that we start to come down with afflictions, such as the dreaded Nippleitis. Thank goodness for padded bras, otherwise we’d all be walking around with the high beams on! Yup, that’s winter in Canada, a bunch of women running around with nippleitis and men running around with shrinkage. I think the people who can honestly say they love winter, are in the minority. I am proud to be Canadian, there’s nowhere else I’d rather call home and I consider myself lucky to have been born here, but when that damp cold gets into my bones and chills me from the inside out, my mind starts to fantasize about moving to a tropical island in the sun somewhere; just for the winter.
On the other hand, there’s nothing like being inside on a cold dark winter’s night, in front of a crackling fireplace, cuddling with the one you love. Taking a walk on a crisp winter night when there’s a full moon making the freshly fallen snow sparkle like diamonds can also be so romantic.
I love the crunch of the snow under my feet with every step. The key is to be dressed appropriately, if you’re too cold, it takes all the fun out of it. Yes, it’s not so bad if you can somehow manage to be warm when you are outside in the winter, but as far as I’m concerned, if we only had two days of snow for the whole winter, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I’d be happy.
The best thing about winter in my opinion is Christmas. This year I plan on being really good so Santa will come to my house. I’ve got it all planned out. When he gets here, I’ll be waiting with a nice hot cup of Hot Chocolate Butternut for him, (see recipe below), and I’ll invite him to sit by the fire with me. I’m going to show him that sometimes it’s nice to be naughty. I’ll be the Ho in his “ho ho ho,” dressed up like Santa’s naughty little helper. I want to make Kris Kringle tingle.
First I’ll roast his chestnuts with a fiery hot strip tease. Then Santa will get overheated, and start to remove his suit. I’ll unwrap his package, polish his Christmas balls, and suck on his candy cane. I’ll ride him like a reindeer and taste his sweet egg-nog. This Christmas, Santa will be naughty. Afterwards, I’ll make Santa and I a couple of Frosty Noggins, (see recipe below), to help him cool off. I’ll have a little talk with Santa about some ideas I have for toys he can make in his workshop for us women. Kids aren’t the only ones who want toys for Christmas. We probably have more fun playing with our new toys than the kids do! The novelty doesn’t wear off either; we play with them until they wear out and die! After our chat, Santa will be off on his way to spread more joy around the world.
I can’t wait for Christmas this year! This will be the first Christmas that I can say yes with absolute certainty when someone asks me if Santa came!
Hot Chocolate Butternut
Ingredients
2 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
½ oz Amaretto
5 oz Hot Chocolate
Directions
Mix all ingredients together in a mug and stir well. Garnish with a layer of whipped cream and serve.
Frosty Noggin
Ingredients
1 ½ oz Rum
¾ oz Crème de Cacao
3 oz Egg Nog
3 Cups Vanilla Ice Cream
Directions
Blend ingredients until smooth, pour into parfait glass, top with whipped cream. Decorate with a few drops of Crème de Menthe.
